As many of you know, when Aaron and I first got married, we decided that God was telling us we should not go on birth control and that we should just trust Him instead. When we first made this decision, it was very hard because all I could think was that I wanted some alone time with my husband before we had a baby and I thought that I would for sure get pregnant within the first year of our marriage. I had no idea at the time how hard it would be for us to have children. I just knew we both wanted to have kids and that God was going to bless us with children and I thought it would be almost immediately. So the first few months after Aaron and I got married I took a pregnancy test every month on the first of the month (because I didn’t have regular cycles so we wanted to be sure that we didn’t miss anything). After a couple of months, I started to get discouraged. I started feeling like there was something wrong with me.
We started going to a couple different doctors because I wasn’t having regular cycles. They thought it was due to me not gaining weight and if I got to about 110-115 pounds, I would start having cycles. So they put me on progesterone to help me gain weight and to help me have cycles (without the use of birth control). We started charting temperatures and taking ovulation tests, but nothing. My temperatures were all over the board and I wasn’t ovulating. I was so discouraged. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t ovulate and without ovulating, there’s no way for that sweet little baby that I desire so much to be conceived.
Around the time I started realizing this, my focus turned to foster care and adoption. I talked with Aaron and we both decided this is what we wanted to do. Caring for the fatherless has been a passion for Aaron and I for a long time and this seemed like the perfect next step. Soon after we made this decision, we had an opportunity come up with a little baby boy and thought that everything was going to fall into place and that we would be parents soon. We had the lawyer on standby and although there were some hurdles to jump over, we thought it was going to happen. It got to the final minutes of waiting when we realized, that no this was not going to work out. The mom of the baby did not agree to let us have her child. So after a time of mourning, we moved on to the next one. We went through foster care training to have the option of foster to adopt. We finished all the classes and were about to do the home study, but that came to a halt because at the time we were living in a basement, which is unsafe and not allowed for foster care. So we had to wait until we got into our new apartment. Not too long after that, we had another baby come into our lives. This time it was a baby girl and it seemed like God was piecing everything together perfectly and placing this one in our laps. And yet again, last minute, things happened and that aunt of the mom decided she wanted the little girl. Within a week of this happening we had a little two-year-old boy named Zion come live with us for a little over a week. It was such a precious time in our lives. Our dreams of being parents were finally coming true. It was difficult starting off with a two-year-old, but we didn’t care too much because we loved being parents! Not too much later, the mom decided she wanted him back and that she was going to keep him (long story). We were glad she wanted to care for her son and that he was going to be reunited with his mom, but we were also devastated because that joy to be parents was gone again. There were many nights where we missed him so much we would just sit next to his toys crying and thinking about how much fun we had with him and how much we missed him. Earlier this summer we finally sold all of his stuff in our garage sale because we could not bare to look at it anymore.
We became even more discouraged, we couldn’t become parents naturally or through adoption. After a year of “trying” we finally went to my female doctor and asked her to do some testing to see why were not able to conceive and why I wasn’t ovulating. We had told her that we were interested in possibly doing Clomid (to help me ovulate), but that was where our line was drawn as far as “help getting pregnant. She ran several tests and had no answers at the end. There is absolutely no reason why I’m not ovulating. I’m just not able to right now. She also ran some tests on Aaron and it showed a few things wrong, which means even if I were to ovulate, it’s unlikely that we would conceive. So that took out the option of Clomid. After praying A LOT about it, Aaron decided that we were going to stop “making it happen” and start trusting God fully with it. If He wants us to have a baby naturally then He will open my womb and we will have a baby, but for now that isn’t happening. At this point we are completely surrendering it to Him. It’s not easy because all we want is to have a baby, but I know that He is going to bless us with a baby in His timing.
For the past several months Aaron and I have just been praying and waiting. Waiting to see when it was time for us to take the next step of becoming licensed in Texas to become foster parents so we can yet again pursue the avenue of foster to adopt. I’m happy to say that about two weeks ago He laid it on Aaron and my heart to start this process. I contacted a Christian foster/adoption agency in town that has been wonderful. They are helping us get things started and we should be, if all things go smoothly, approved this spring to have our first placement. We yet again have had 2 opportunities for possible adoption from moms who are pregnant come to our attention in the last week or two. We found out that one of those two possibilities is due around the same time that we will be completely approved to do foster care. We are excited about what God is doing and we are doing our best to not let our hearts get to far ahead of where He is moving right now. That is much easier said that done. We are just trying to focus on Him and letting Him prepare us to be godly parents.
We are letting the foster care agency know that we want our first placement to be a baby under 6 months. After experiencing a week with a two-year-old “son” we knew that we needed to start with a baby first. We need to have the experience of being parents first and gradually growing into the idea of how do we want to discipline and how we handle different situations. It will be better for us and our future child.
Since Aaron and I may never have the opportunity to be pregnant, we have asked that God would allow this time while we wait to be approved to be as if we were pregnant. So you might see an occasional post here or there showing how we are getting the baby’s room ready. No we are not pregnant, trust me we will tell you when we are, but we are acting as if we are pregnant with this baby we are going to adopt. Please be patient with us while we go through this process. We just want to experience the excitement of waiting for our baby. We want to have a nice room set up for our child. There’s a lot of things that we can’t experience like feeling the baby kick inside of me or me going through labor, but there are somethings that we can do to make it similar. We were so blessed to get to experience some of that with Tim and Abby Schweitzer. It was so wonderful to sit next to Abby and feel Kade kicking inside of her and to see him be born into this world. Without that experience, it would make this idea of not having a baby so much harder. So thank you Abby for letting me a part of your birth! It is an experience I will never forget and a time that I will cherish forever.
The first thing that you will be seeing shortly is the crib that we just set up for our little precious one, whoever it may be. Yesterday, the Stribling family offered to give us their oldest daughter’s crib. It’s beautiful! We set it up last night in the future “nursery”. We will be taking a picture of it soon to post on Facebook. We are so thankful for our church family back home and all of their support and we are also so thankful that God has given us another church family that is just as full of love and support for Aaron and I. So excited to see what God is going to do as He brings us closer to our future son or daughter!
Thank you to all of those who have already prayed for us! We so greatly appreciate it! We ask that you would please continue to be in prayer for our future child and for our hearts. Pray that we would stay in step with God and not get too far ahead of where He wants us to be. Pray that we would glorify Him with every step we take and everything we say.
In Christ's Awesome Love,
Julie Zapata
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Friday, April 8, 2011
Stepping out of my comfort zone in faith
The past couple weeks have been full of struggles and fears, trials and fleshly battles with the Spirit, and finally joy and peace in knowing that we are following after God and glorifying Him in our choices. Aaron and I have been working through a lot of decision that we needed to make regarding where we were going to live after getting married. About a month or two ago Aaron brought to my attention something that he felt God was calling us to. And that was that he felt like we were supposed to move in with Tim, Abby and Gracelyn. He didn't really have a reason other than He felt God calling us to this. My initial reaction was NO! I don't want to spend our first year of marriage living with another couple. I want him to myself, I don't want to have to share. However, I told Aaron I would pray about it. So I did and just really struggled with not wanting to give our first year of marriage ALONE away. I knew in my heart I was being selfish, but I struggled with wondering if this was a good selfishness or a bad one. In our culture, it is perceived as unwise to do this. I want to be like everyone else and spend our first year of marriage alone building that foundation on our own. I later realized this was my flesh speaking, actually screaming at me. I was simply being selfish, wanting Aaron all to myself. I was not seeking to glorify God, but to please my flesh. So I started seeking after God more in this and Aaron and I have decided that this is what God is calling us to. We have realized, what better way to honor God with our marriage than giving him the first fruits of marriage instead of hoarding it to ourselves. We want to start off our marriage serving and glorifying God completely instead of just in some ways. We want to make sure that our hands are open and not tightly grasping on to each other saying God you can't have him, he's mine. To give you a better idea of why we feel called to this I am including my journal that I wrote the other day when God finally opened my eyes to how this glorifies Him. Also, know this, we are not doing this because it's fun. It's not fun. It's not fun to share a house with another couple who has a baby during your first year of marriage. Especially knowing that at any point I could get pregnant and we would never have time just the two of us before having children. That's hard! Plus, I don't have to just get use to living with my husband, but I also have to adjust to living with another couple. It will be difficult, but it's worth the sacrifice to know that we are glorifying God in this process. Also know, that as you read this, the reasons I list aren't all of the reasons that we feel this will glorify God. God has been revealing to all of us different ways that this will glorify Him. And He has been showing me more and more every day. It has been such a blessing and it is so exciting to know that I get to serve and glorify our awesome God during my first year of marriage to an amazing guy! I encourage you to read Aaron and Abby's blogs as well to understand some of the other reasons that we are doing this. God is truly working in all four of our lives and I can't wait to see what all He does through this.
Also, please excuse the grammar. This is my journal entry, not an english paper so it won't be grammatically correct. :)
April 1, 2011
Also, please excuse the grammar. This is my journal entry, not an english paper so it won't be grammatically correct. :)
April 1, 2011
Today is the day that I have felt God calling Aaron and I to live with Tim and Abby. My flesh doesn’t want to, I am filled with fear and honestly it’s not saving us that much money. It’s going to be hard, harder than anything we have ever done. Aaron and I had a talk on Wednesday (2 days ago) and we relized that our true desire is to live a radical life for God’s glory. We want to step out in faith trusting that this is what God wants. We also decided we would not go on birth control because we want to be sure that we are trusting God with that and in no way hindering him. We are planning on never going on birth control because if He wants us to have a child on our honeymoon, He will make that happen, and if he wants us to have 15 kids, then He will do that as well. We just want to trust God with that and be thankful for any children that He gives us. So now to talk about the apartment, I have to say I have struggled with this from day one. Aaron has been feeling called to this and I just haven’t been able to see it. I have said that I was willing to do it and my heart would be 100% in it, but I had not been felt called to do that. I have been praying earnestly about it and every time I felt like I was convincing myself this was right, but I hadn’t been called myself. I also look at the money we will be spending and honestly we won’t be saving that much. And I just keep thinking, is it worth it to do this even though we aren’t saving too much money. There is another apartment on Tracy that has an extra bedroom, more space and costs exactly the same. And there are two other apartments that are cheaper. One of them we would be saving at least $100 if not more, plus a smaller deposit fee. So with all that said, this afternoon Aaron and I talked through the other apartments and I really wanted him to say ok lets do those other apartment’s instead of living with Tim and Abby, but that wasn’t the case. So we discussed it again and decided that we would pray more about it today and then tonight write down on a piece of paper which apartment we prefer without discussing it with each other, only God, and then decide from there. I also have to take a moment to say that Aaron was great in making sure that I knew if I didn’t feel called to this we would choose to live on our own. He knew that if I was called it would make this year miserable because I would be doing it for Aaron instead of God. That’s why we decided to do pray about it more and write down on a piece of paper which one we felt called to do. And if I had said the other apartment we would have done that. Anyways.. So after he left I sat down to read my Bible, I knew I needed to do that before I could pray about it so that I could make sure my heart was completely focused on Him. First, I read Matthew 8 and then I felt like God was calling me to go backward and read chapter 7 again. So I read through it and the first thing that caught my attention was verse 7 and 8. “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks the door will be opened” Okay, so God wants me to ask Him, to seek Him in this. I knew that, but now He was telling me that when I seek, He will answer. The next part that caught my attention was verse 13 and 14, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only few find it.” This was the biggie. I want to enter through the narrow gate. And in a way, this is a very narrow gate. No one does this, it’s too hard and it’s not what our flesh desires AT ALL! And it also reminded me of a verse that we read last night in Isaiah. Isaiah 49:17 talks about how the Lord is our Redeemer and He directs us in the way we should go and teaches us what is best for us. Verse 18 says, “If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.” I don’t want to miss out on that, I want to pay attention! And even though in the eyes of a human (in our flesh) this does not seem like the way we should go, God directs us and He knows what’s best for us. And if this is the narrow gate, that’s not normal for people to go through, that God wants us to go through so that He can teach us what is best for us. Then I will go through this gate. The last part that caught my attention was verse 21-23, which talks about how not everyone who says, “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven because they have not done the will of God and because of that God will say He does not know them. And I DEFINITELY do NOT want that to be true of me! I want to be sure that I am doing the will of God and I want to know Him as personally as I possibly can and if living with Tim and Abby does that if it draws me and my future husband closer to God and know Him even more personally than I will do that. So as soon as I finished reading this chapter, I immediately went to God in prayer, I prayed through all of these verses saying that I was seeking Him and that I wanted an answer, telling Him that I want to go through the narrow gate and that may not please man, but I want to please Him. And finally saying that I want to be close to Him, I want to do His will. Then I just plain out asked Him, what do you want us to do Lord and I immediately felt like He was saying live with Tim and Abby, but I wasn’t sure. I wanted to know why and that it wasn’t me just trying to convince myself to please Aaron or Abby or Tim. And the answer was, “Living with Tim and Abby only pleases the Spirit, but living in the apartment on Tracy would please the flesh and the Spirit”. That’s what I needed. I needed to know why living with Tim and Abby is better than living on our own and that is the answer. It’s going to be hard and it doesn’t please the flesh, but it pleases the Spirit and the Spirit alone. And that should be our goal. Doing what pleases the Spirit alone. When we become Christians we die to ourselves and this is dying to myself. It’s dying to my wants and my desires and embracing what God wants for me. It’s embracing the Spirit’s desires and following whole-heartedly after them. It’s being radical for God and being a living sacrifice and a living testimony. I have struggled a lot lately with wanting to please the flesh and this is a perfect way for me to in a way “kill” the flesh. I am putting off the old self of selfishness and fear and putting on the new self of patience and humility that is being created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. I desire You, God. I desire to please you and not man and that is why I am stepping out in faith and dying to myself.
I love you Abba!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Its official.. we are ENGAGED!!!!!!!
So the second big thing in my life that God has changed in the last several months is my relationship with Aaron Zapata. As I look back at the past year I am amazed at how God has orchestrated both of our lives to bring us together for His glory. He brought Aaron to a small Christian college in Lincoln from New Mexico and even further Got brought Aaron, Abby and Tim to Grace Church through the angel food ministry at our church.
Soon after I first met them, I was asking Aaron to join the team going to Ecuador. After God convincing Aaron that he was supposed to go on this trip, God slowly brought Aaron's and my heart closer and closer together. We tried resisting it so that our "feelings" would not get in the way of God's purpose for the trip and we did a pretty good job until the day after we got back to the United States. :-) It was less than a week after we got back that I knew I was going to marry him. Even though we gaurded our hearts from having feelings for each other God used the trip to Ecuador to unite us together as really close friends. It was a wonderful base for our relationship.
On August 26th, we officially started courting. We set things in place to make sure we didn't move too fast and yet in some ways it still happened. Not because we were trying to make it go fast, but because we were following God's lead. From day one we wanted our relationship to be 100% God-focused. We looked to Him before we took any step. Every night we prayed together refocusing our hearts on Him and making sure He was the center of our relationship. We didn't start holding hands until we had been dating for a month because we wanted to be sure we didn't move to fast physically and we wanted our friendship to grow before any physical relationship began. Even though this was SO hard, it was also really good because it helped us learn so much more about each other on a personal level.
Also, a couple days after we started dating I told Aaron that I didn't want him to tell me that he loved me until the day that he proposed. I have to say the last month or so, in a way, I have been regretting that rule. lol! God has grown my heart to love him in a way that I never thought was possible. It was soo hard to not tell him how much I loved him! Especially when we would say goodbye or good night. It's so easy to accidentally just slip in, "I love you". But we couldn't. At the same time, this was a very good rule. It was a good way to gaurd both of our hearts. I don't think it's good to tell someone you love them unless you know you are going to marry that person. It made for a really great proposal too! :-)
So now for the good stuff. How it happened... Well first I have to start by saying that Aaron is really bad about wanting to give people gifts early, he gets so excited he just wants to give it to you right away. So we were driving to Tim and Abby's house and he was like can I PLEEEEAASE give you your Christmas present early and after many times of saying no and him giving me those puppy dog eyes, I finally said okay... lol! Little did I know what the gift really was. So we get to Tim and Abby's and after about 15 minutes of being there Abby, Tim and Gracelyn decide they are going to go to bed. It's only 8:30!!!!!!! So I'm thinking ok, well they are new parents that's understandable. So I sit down on the couch and ask Aaron, so what should we do? Thinking he's going to say well we could watch a movie or something along those lines. No, he goes "you're going to open your Christmas present". So he goes to Gracie's room to get it and then comes back out empty handed saying, "I can't find it oh wait here it is". So he brings it over and I open it. Inside are three picture frames. The first one he is signing "I", second one he is signing "love", and third "you". I look at him FREAKING OUT a little bit lol! And he says "I've been waiting for three months to tell you how much I love you, will you marry me" (He may have said something else, but I honestly was freaking out and don't remember it all, luckily it's on video lol!) Anyways.. so of course I said "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I will marry you". Then Abby, Tim and Gracelyn came back out and I've been super excited ever since!! :-)
So now I sit here with beautiful ring on my finger, engaged to a wonderful and godly man. I can't even believe it! He is more than I could have ever asked for, and trust me I asked God for a lot :-) He is a great spiritual leader and keeps my focus right where it should be, on our awesome and great Lord! If you had asked me on Valentines day of this year if I was ever going to get married, I would have said no probably not (If you look at my blog from Feb 14th, you can see how much God has done in a short time). I would have never guessed that He had such a big plan for me. When Aaron and I talked about getting married we both said that when we look at our lives individually and compare it to our lives together, we can see that we can bring more glory to God together than on our own. And that is ultimately what we desire.
So what's next, well first of all I have to tell you that we have not had our first kiss and we will not share that until the day that we get married. Even though this is another hard thing that we have put in place it is soo worth it. God has used this in big ways to help mature and grow our relationship. So on our wedding day, those of you who can make it will get to witness our first kiss! We are getting married on July 2, 2011 at Grace Church. I truly cannot wait to marry my best friend!!!
Thank you Lord, for bringing Aaron into my life and growing our hearts closer together as you draw us closer to you! Thank you for giving me a man that points me to you in everything that we do and for teaching me so much through him. Your plans are amazing, Lord! Why do we ever doubt them?
Thank you all for the encouragement and we are so very blessed that you are all apart of our lives!
Love you all!
Julie
P.S. - Sorry if there are spelling mistakes, I'm just a little excited to be grammatically correct :-)
Soon after I first met them, I was asking Aaron to join the team going to Ecuador. After God convincing Aaron that he was supposed to go on this trip, God slowly brought Aaron's and my heart closer and closer together. We tried resisting it so that our "feelings" would not get in the way of God's purpose for the trip and we did a pretty good job until the day after we got back to the United States. :-) It was less than a week after we got back that I knew I was going to marry him. Even though we gaurded our hearts from having feelings for each other God used the trip to Ecuador to unite us together as really close friends. It was a wonderful base for our relationship.
On August 26th, we officially started courting. We set things in place to make sure we didn't move too fast and yet in some ways it still happened. Not because we were trying to make it go fast, but because we were following God's lead. From day one we wanted our relationship to be 100% God-focused. We looked to Him before we took any step. Every night we prayed together refocusing our hearts on Him and making sure He was the center of our relationship. We didn't start holding hands until we had been dating for a month because we wanted to be sure we didn't move to fast physically and we wanted our friendship to grow before any physical relationship began. Even though this was SO hard, it was also really good because it helped us learn so much more about each other on a personal level.
Also, a couple days after we started dating I told Aaron that I didn't want him to tell me that he loved me until the day that he proposed. I have to say the last month or so, in a way, I have been regretting that rule. lol! God has grown my heart to love him in a way that I never thought was possible. It was soo hard to not tell him how much I loved him! Especially when we would say goodbye or good night. It's so easy to accidentally just slip in, "I love you". But we couldn't. At the same time, this was a very good rule. It was a good way to gaurd both of our hearts. I don't think it's good to tell someone you love them unless you know you are going to marry that person. It made for a really great proposal too! :-)
So now for the good stuff. How it happened... Well first I have to start by saying that Aaron is really bad about wanting to give people gifts early, he gets so excited he just wants to give it to you right away. So we were driving to Tim and Abby's house and he was like can I PLEEEEAASE give you your Christmas present early and after many times of saying no and him giving me those puppy dog eyes, I finally said okay... lol! Little did I know what the gift really was. So we get to Tim and Abby's and after about 15 minutes of being there Abby, Tim and Gracelyn decide they are going to go to bed. It's only 8:30!!!!!!! So I'm thinking ok, well they are new parents that's understandable. So I sit down on the couch and ask Aaron, so what should we do? Thinking he's going to say well we could watch a movie or something along those lines. No, he goes "you're going to open your Christmas present". So he goes to Gracie's room to get it and then comes back out empty handed saying, "I can't find it oh wait here it is". So he brings it over and I open it. Inside are three picture frames. The first one he is signing "I", second one he is signing "love", and third "you". I look at him FREAKING OUT a little bit lol! And he says "I've been waiting for three months to tell you how much I love you, will you marry me" (He may have said something else, but I honestly was freaking out and don't remember it all, luckily it's on video lol!) Anyways.. so of course I said "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I will marry you". Then Abby, Tim and Gracelyn came back out and I've been super excited ever since!! :-)
So now I sit here with beautiful ring on my finger, engaged to a wonderful and godly man. I can't even believe it! He is more than I could have ever asked for, and trust me I asked God for a lot :-) He is a great spiritual leader and keeps my focus right where it should be, on our awesome and great Lord! If you had asked me on Valentines day of this year if I was ever going to get married, I would have said no probably not (If you look at my blog from Feb 14th, you can see how much God has done in a short time). I would have never guessed that He had such a big plan for me. When Aaron and I talked about getting married we both said that when we look at our lives individually and compare it to our lives together, we can see that we can bring more glory to God together than on our own. And that is ultimately what we desire.
So what's next, well first of all I have to tell you that we have not had our first kiss and we will not share that until the day that we get married. Even though this is another hard thing that we have put in place it is soo worth it. God has used this in big ways to help mature and grow our relationship. So on our wedding day, those of you who can make it will get to witness our first kiss! We are getting married on July 2, 2011 at Grace Church. I truly cannot wait to marry my best friend!!!
Thank you Lord, for bringing Aaron into my life and growing our hearts closer together as you draw us closer to you! Thank you for giving me a man that points me to you in everything that we do and for teaching me so much through him. Your plans are amazing, Lord! Why do we ever doubt them?
Thank you all for the encouragement and we are so very blessed that you are all apart of our lives!
Love you all!
Julie
P.S. - Sorry if there are spelling mistakes, I'm just a little excited to be grammatically correct :-)
Monday, November 8, 2010
How quickly things can change
I have so many things I want to write in this blog that I don't know where to start. That's why it has taken me so long to get another blog posted. :-) Specifically there are three big things that have happened in the past few months that I want to write about, but for each topic I have a whole lot I want to say about it. So I have decided to write three different blogs so you won't have to read a whole bunch in just one blog. This blog is going to be all about Ecuador and how God used the planning process and the trip to teach me SO many things!
When I look back to the trip to Ecuador and the planning process that God took me through my first thought is just amazement at how God was in control if it all from the beginning. He called me to take a group and He helped me get through each hurdle. There was no way I could have done it on my own. He was there leading and guiding me every step of the way and I give Him the credit and glory for all of it. He put together an amazing group to go on this trip and He worked in each and every one of our lives in huge ways. It's interesting because I had always thought that short-term missions meant more to the people we were serving, but through this process I learned that God uses it even more to teach those of us who are going to serve.
The biggest lesson that God taught me was faith without doubting. He started preparing that in my heart when I read through the gospels this past spring. Over and over again I read Jesus saying to those He was teaching to have faith without doubting. I knew we were to have faith, but I had never read or thought about the fact that it said "without doubting". I used to find myself praying and thinking while I was asking God to help me with something, "but He probably won't do it" or "God if it's Your will please do this". I would pray that because I didn't want to be disappointed if He chose to not help me do whatever I was asking for. I learned how wrong that was this past spring. I should be pray expecting God to help me not doubting Him and yet accepting whatever God chooses to do. God has used this lesson to help me through my challenges with my health. I will talk more about that in a later blog though. :-)
I also learned what it looks like to give all the control to God. When I was planning the trip it was really hard for me to figure out the balance of planning things/organizing everything and giving God all the control of the trip. It wasn't until we were in Ecuador that I was able to give God complete control. And the reason for that is because I had very little control over what was happening while we were there. There were many reasons I couldn't be in control. The biggest was the language barrier. I more or less knew what we needed to do to get from point A to point B, but there were many bumps in the road that were unplanned and communicating with someone who spoke only Spanish through those times of that were unplanned was difficult. When we arrived in Riobamba the bus driver didn't know where our apartment was and I had no clue where it was exactly. I had an address, but no way of knowing where that would be. And trying to communicate through that was very difficult. Don't worry we made it. lol! But throughout the whole trip I had peace (other than for about 15 minutes one day and those who went to Ecuador know exactly what day I mean). I knew that God was going to take care of it even if I had no clue what was going on. And God broke down the language barriers. No I did not speak perfect Spanish and I'm sure we didn't always understand what they were saying, but we got the point across. The frustrating part for me was that as soon as we flew into Miami I felt myself taking control again because I didn't have to rely on God as much. I could know speak the same language as everyone and I knew what I needed to do and did it with no help from God. I wish I could say to you that because of Ecuador I have figured out how to give God complete control of my life, but I can't. I can say that I know what it looks like and I strive every day to live like that.
I do have to say that being a "leader" of a missions trip is very different than being one of the team members. There is definitely a lot of pressure and responsibility and it took me at least half of the week to actually enjoy the trip because I was so busy making sure things were going smoothly. There was a point where I realized if things weren't perfect and if they didn't go smoothly, God usually uses those moments to teach us something. It was hard because I am a people pleaser and I wanted everyone to like me and to be able to look back at the trip and say that God taught them so many things. But I realized that wasn't my job. It wasn't my place to teach them something, it wasn't my place to work in their hearts, It's God's! And I definitely shouldn't be worried about what they think of me. I should be more concerned with what God thinks of me and if He is pleased with me.
Overall, the trip was amazing! God worked in so many ways in the lives of the team members and I hoped that He used it as an encouragement to those at the Ark Children's Home. We had a great team that went and I am still so very proud of each and every one of them. I have to say this group was the most unified group of any trip that I have ever been on. I was very impressed with all of them! They all became a part of my family! I miss them all so much and I miss all the kids and the Allan family a lot as well!
Thank you Lord for the amazing opportunity you gave me to step out in faith and take this team to Ecuador!!
In Christ's Awesome Love,
Julie
I will write more as soon as I can :-)
When I look back to the trip to Ecuador and the planning process that God took me through my first thought is just amazement at how God was in control if it all from the beginning. He called me to take a group and He helped me get through each hurdle. There was no way I could have done it on my own. He was there leading and guiding me every step of the way and I give Him the credit and glory for all of it. He put together an amazing group to go on this trip and He worked in each and every one of our lives in huge ways. It's interesting because I had always thought that short-term missions meant more to the people we were serving, but through this process I learned that God uses it even more to teach those of us who are going to serve.
The biggest lesson that God taught me was faith without doubting. He started preparing that in my heart when I read through the gospels this past spring. Over and over again I read Jesus saying to those He was teaching to have faith without doubting. I knew we were to have faith, but I had never read or thought about the fact that it said "without doubting". I used to find myself praying and thinking while I was asking God to help me with something, "but He probably won't do it" or "God if it's Your will please do this". I would pray that because I didn't want to be disappointed if He chose to not help me do whatever I was asking for. I learned how wrong that was this past spring. I should be pray expecting God to help me not doubting Him and yet accepting whatever God chooses to do. God has used this lesson to help me through my challenges with my health. I will talk more about that in a later blog though. :-)
I also learned what it looks like to give all the control to God. When I was planning the trip it was really hard for me to figure out the balance of planning things/organizing everything and giving God all the control of the trip. It wasn't until we were in Ecuador that I was able to give God complete control. And the reason for that is because I had very little control over what was happening while we were there. There were many reasons I couldn't be in control. The biggest was the language barrier. I more or less knew what we needed to do to get from point A to point B, but there were many bumps in the road that were unplanned and communicating with someone who spoke only Spanish through those times of that were unplanned was difficult. When we arrived in Riobamba the bus driver didn't know where our apartment was and I had no clue where it was exactly. I had an address, but no way of knowing where that would be. And trying to communicate through that was very difficult. Don't worry we made it. lol! But throughout the whole trip I had peace (other than for about 15 minutes one day and those who went to Ecuador know exactly what day I mean). I knew that God was going to take care of it even if I had no clue what was going on. And God broke down the language barriers. No I did not speak perfect Spanish and I'm sure we didn't always understand what they were saying, but we got the point across. The frustrating part for me was that as soon as we flew into Miami I felt myself taking control again because I didn't have to rely on God as much. I could know speak the same language as everyone and I knew what I needed to do and did it with no help from God. I wish I could say to you that because of Ecuador I have figured out how to give God complete control of my life, but I can't. I can say that I know what it looks like and I strive every day to live like that.
I do have to say that being a "leader" of a missions trip is very different than being one of the team members. There is definitely a lot of pressure and responsibility and it took me at least half of the week to actually enjoy the trip because I was so busy making sure things were going smoothly. There was a point where I realized if things weren't perfect and if they didn't go smoothly, God usually uses those moments to teach us something. It was hard because I am a people pleaser and I wanted everyone to like me and to be able to look back at the trip and say that God taught them so many things. But I realized that wasn't my job. It wasn't my place to teach them something, it wasn't my place to work in their hearts, It's God's! And I definitely shouldn't be worried about what they think of me. I should be more concerned with what God thinks of me and if He is pleased with me.
Overall, the trip was amazing! God worked in so many ways in the lives of the team members and I hoped that He used it as an encouragement to those at the Ark Children's Home. We had a great team that went and I am still so very proud of each and every one of them. I have to say this group was the most unified group of any trip that I have ever been on. I was very impressed with all of them! They all became a part of my family! I miss them all so much and I miss all the kids and the Allan family a lot as well!
Thank you Lord for the amazing opportunity you gave me to step out in faith and take this team to Ecuador!!
In Christ's Awesome Love,
Julie
I will write more as soon as I can :-)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Lord, give me a heart that is on fire for You!
I have been reading through the gospels for the past month or two. I am currently reading Luke. The scriptures in these books are amazing! I learn something awesome from the life of Christ every day! I have also been reading the "Crazy Love" book by Francis Chan. About a week ago I read the section on being Lukewarm. I haven't been able to read any farther because God continues to use this chapter to convict me! In this chapter Francis Chan clearly lays out ways that we are lukewarm and uses scripture to back it up. Many of these verses are ones that I have been reading in the gospels. My pride makes me believe that I am doing pretty good and that I am on fire for God, but this chapter convinced me that I most definitely am not. I am living the life of a lukewarm Christian. Many of us know the verse in Revelations 3 verse 16, "So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth." I know I have heard this verse many times before and each time I think well I'm not lukewarm, God (in a sense) won't spit me out of His mouth! It pains and disgusts me to realize that I am "useless" to Him because of my lukewarmness. I have been praying that God would reveal to me areas of my life that I need to change to be able to follow him COMPLETELY and to stop living a life that is lukewarm, but instead on fire with a burning passion to know Him, obey Him and share Him! There has been many things that God has been revealing to me. Below I have listed a few of them. I pray that God will ignite your heart with a passion for Him. Can you imagine what our world would be like if Christians had the burning passion for the Lord? It would be incredible what He could do! So please pray and ask God to give you that on-fire and burning passion for Him. And be willing to give up ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to obey!
Acknowledge Him! This is something that I have seen over and over again in the gospel and it convicts me every time!!!
Matthew 10:32 & 33 - "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven."
Luke 12:4-7 - "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." 8&9 - "I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God."
We must acknowledge Him before men! Don't be afraid to share Him with others. I know that in our country today we get fearful of talking about Him, not because they will kill us, but because there is a chance they will make fun of us and hurt our pride. I am so tired of being afraid of men! I should be fearing God not men! All they can do is make fun of me, who cares! They are just words! Jesus said to the disciples to shake the dust off your sandals when you leave the town of those who do not welcome you. Metaphorically, we should do similar with those who do not welcome the words that we speak to them about Jesus. If they make fun of you for speaking of Jesus and serving Him bear with them in love and don't let the negative words affect you. He loves you and is pleased with you for acknowledging Him before men. That should be all that matters!
Give up everything and give to the poor! Wow this is one that God has definitely given me a passion for! I feel like I see it every other verse, to give everything to the poor and follow Him. We are to serve Him completely, no matter the cost, even if it means giving up everything!
Luke 18:22 - When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
1 Timothy 6:17-18 - "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share."
In the Crazy Love Book, it was saying that we live very secure lives. We put our trust in our savings accounts and our 401K's instead of God. We should give all that we have to the poor and trust God to provide for us. If we were to do this I don't know how it would be possible to be lukewarm! We would have complete trust and faith in God instead of material possessions!
Luke 9:57-62 - As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
Luke 14 25-27 - Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Luke 18:29-30 - I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."
Wow! This was huge for me! I realized that the big thing that worries me about being a missionary is the fact that I have to leave my family. This is really scary for me! But God calls me to leave them and follow Him! I love my family so much, but I love God more! I want to be completely obedient even if that means leaving.
Be Humble and Obey! How do we know what we should do? Get to know Him! We should have a desire to get to know Him and to read His word. It shouldn't be something we do out of guilt or because we "have to do". We desire to spend time reading His word and praying! And then listen! God is always speaking all we need to do is stop with our crazy busy lives and listen to Him! Then after we hear Him, we need to actually follow through and obey. I can't count the times that I have heard God talk to me and I have come up with millions of excuses as to why I shouldn't do it! I am tired of disobeying and missing out on amazing opportunities! I have had two recent opportunities that I have actually been obedient in and God has turned that obedience into amazing blessings! I give God all the glory for them and thank Him for giving me those opportunities!!!
Don't love the world! It grieves me to realize how much in love with the world we are. I think the following verses sum it up.
James 4:4, 7-10 - "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
In the crazy love book there was one sentence that really struck me. It says, "the truth is their(meaning lukewarm people) lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God".
I want to leave you with one last verse. I was reading Psalm 91 last night and verse 14 - 16 stuck out to me, "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." So love Him, obey Him, give Him everything, and acknowledge Him!
In Christ's Awesome Love,
Julie
Acknowledge Him! This is something that I have seen over and over again in the gospel and it convicts me every time!!!
Matthew 10:32 & 33 - "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven."
Luke 12:4-7 - "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." 8&9 - "I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God."
We must acknowledge Him before men! Don't be afraid to share Him with others. I know that in our country today we get fearful of talking about Him, not because they will kill us, but because there is a chance they will make fun of us and hurt our pride. I am so tired of being afraid of men! I should be fearing God not men! All they can do is make fun of me, who cares! They are just words! Jesus said to the disciples to shake the dust off your sandals when you leave the town of those who do not welcome you. Metaphorically, we should do similar with those who do not welcome the words that we speak to them about Jesus. If they make fun of you for speaking of Jesus and serving Him bear with them in love and don't let the negative words affect you. He loves you and is pleased with you for acknowledging Him before men. That should be all that matters!
Give up everything and give to the poor! Wow this is one that God has definitely given me a passion for! I feel like I see it every other verse, to give everything to the poor and follow Him. We are to serve Him completely, no matter the cost, even if it means giving up everything!
Luke 18:22 - When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
1 Timothy 6:17-18 - "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share."
In the Crazy Love Book, it was saying that we live very secure lives. We put our trust in our savings accounts and our 401K's instead of God. We should give all that we have to the poor and trust God to provide for us. If we were to do this I don't know how it would be possible to be lukewarm! We would have complete trust and faith in God instead of material possessions!
Luke 9:57-62 - As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
Luke 14 25-27 - Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."
Luke 18:29-30 - I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."
Wow! This was huge for me! I realized that the big thing that worries me about being a missionary is the fact that I have to leave my family. This is really scary for me! But God calls me to leave them and follow Him! I love my family so much, but I love God more! I want to be completely obedient even if that means leaving.
Be Humble and Obey! How do we know what we should do? Get to know Him! We should have a desire to get to know Him and to read His word. It shouldn't be something we do out of guilt or because we "have to do". We desire to spend time reading His word and praying! And then listen! God is always speaking all we need to do is stop with our crazy busy lives and listen to Him! Then after we hear Him, we need to actually follow through and obey. I can't count the times that I have heard God talk to me and I have come up with millions of excuses as to why I shouldn't do it! I am tired of disobeying and missing out on amazing opportunities! I have had two recent opportunities that I have actually been obedient in and God has turned that obedience into amazing blessings! I give God all the glory for them and thank Him for giving me those opportunities!!!
Don't love the world! It grieves me to realize how much in love with the world we are. I think the following verses sum it up.
James 4:4, 7-10 - "You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
In the crazy love book there was one sentence that really struck me. It says, "the truth is their(meaning lukewarm people) lives wouldn't look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God".
I want to leave you with one last verse. I was reading Psalm 91 last night and verse 14 - 16 stuck out to me, "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation." So love Him, obey Him, give Him everything, and acknowledge Him!
In Christ's Awesome Love,
Julie
Monday, April 5, 2010
Ecuador here we come!
Back a couple of months ago I stumbled across a website for an orphanage in Riobamba, Ecuador. I instantly felt the spirit moving and knew God was calling me to go there at some point. I didn't know if it meant short or long term (I still don't) all I knew was I was supposed to go. So I mentioned to my pastor that I was wanting to take a missions trip to this orphanage that I felt God was calling me to and he started doing some "investigating" as to whether or not we could go. It took about a month maybe longer for them to finally be able to talk and him get all of his questions answered. There many times that I thought "well maybe this isn't what God is wanting, maybe I misunderstood". Everytime He would reaffirm me that this was His will. And so every Sunday morning I would ask Pastor Ed for an update. Finally on Easter Sunday I got a call later in the afternoon from Pastor Ed saying we had the green light to go ahead and plan this trip! Needless to say I was overjoyed!! I immediately went home and sent an email to the orphanage to verify dates and get everything started.
This morning I woke up and had received an email back that those dates worked and we were welcome to go down. At first I was filled with excitement and then with stress. I was all of a sudden overwhelmed with the number of things I needed to do! I started relying on my own strength instead of God's which is something has been teaching me during the waiting period.
Please pray for me as I plan this trip to keep God the center of my focus! I want this trip to be completely for Him and bringing Him glory through everything we do. Pray for those who are to go on this trip that God would reveal to them that He wants them to go and that they would be willing to listen. Also pray that God would do an amazing work in all of our lives and in those around us while we are preparing for this trip.
If you want to look at the orphanage that we are going to the link is;
http://www.arkchildrenshomes.com/Home/tabid/258/Default.aspx
If you have any other questions of ways you can pray or help let me know. Also if you are interested in going on this trip let me know my email is jamyers88@hotmail.com
In Christ's awesome love,
Julie
This morning I woke up and had received an email back that those dates worked and we were welcome to go down. At first I was filled with excitement and then with stress. I was all of a sudden overwhelmed with the number of things I needed to do! I started relying on my own strength instead of God's which is something has been teaching me during the waiting period.
Please pray for me as I plan this trip to keep God the center of my focus! I want this trip to be completely for Him and bringing Him glory through everything we do. Pray for those who are to go on this trip that God would reveal to them that He wants them to go and that they would be willing to listen. Also pray that God would do an amazing work in all of our lives and in those around us while we are preparing for this trip.
If you want to look at the orphanage that we are going to the link is;
http://www.arkchildrenshomes.com/Home/tabid/258/Default.aspx
If you have any other questions of ways you can pray or help let me know. Also if you are interested in going on this trip let me know my email is jamyers88@hotmail.com
In Christ's awesome love,
Julie
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Letting go of the "dream" and embracing a new one
Most every girl dreams of getting married and having kids. I do know a few that didn't have this "dream", but I was definitely one of them that did! I love kids and everything in me wanted to get married and have children of my own. God has really been working in me lately to let go of this desire. I have been reading passion and purity by Elisabeth Elliot and it's really been making me understand how much of a distraction getting married can be. Elisabeth Elliot is a very wise woman who absolutely loves the Lord! She is someone who I consider to be a strong woman in the Lord. Yet she had many struggles with her relationship with the Lord when she was courting her late husband Jim Elliot. I always thought that if I could find a strong man of God to be my husband we would not have those challenges that many christians face while being in relationships. One of them being forgetting God because we get too busy thinking of that special someone. I just figured If he was a godly man he would constantly be drawing me to the Lord not distracting me. Jim was definitely a a godly man who was strong in the Lord yet Elisabeth struggled with trusting God with their relationship and there were many times that she would get distracted by thinking about Jim instead of God. So anyways... After saying all of this I have let go of the dream of getting married and having kids. I realize that although this is something that would be wonderful and I'm sure God could still use me an teach me many things through it, I believe He has a different plan for me. I know this will be hard! And I will have many moments where I am weak and have this desire again, but I am now embracing God's dream for me instead of my own. Whatever it may be! I desire to follow His will completely, never forgetting Him or putting anyone in my life above Him! Besides if His will is for me to work in an orphanage, which I believe it is, I will have tons of kids to take care of and love even if they aren't technically mine! God has definitely blessed me with the gift of loving other people's children as if they were my own. :-)
In Christ's awesome love,
Julie
In Christ's awesome love,
Julie
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